Why I Stopped Chasing Happiness (and What I Found Instead)

I used to look for a shortcut in life.
I thought I was smart enough to figure out how to live this life happily all the time. I read dozens of self-help books—they were great, but something still felt missing. Then I listened to hundreds of YouTube videos on spiritual teachings and the wisdom of ancient cultures, trying to find what people had learned from life. They were deep and exciting, but still, they didn’t answer my biggest question:
How can I be happy all the time, no matter what happens?

I tried meditation. Every morning, I would wake up and sit for 10 minutes just to observe my thoughts. It helped calm the noise in my head that started the moment I opened my eyes. But still, something felt unresolved.

Because honestly, I couldn’t even remember the last time I felt truly happy.
Maybe when I looked at old pictures—my smile when I was a child, when I got accepted into university, when I graduated, got married, or welcomed my children into the world. Those were brief moments of “happiness.”
But what about the rest of my 35 years on this earth?
How did I feel all that time?
Did I feel empty? Confused? Anxious? Depressed?
I just wanted to know: How do I feel happy ALL THE TIME?

Then one day, I came across a video about the ventral striatum—the part of our brain that lights up when we experience excitement and curiosity. It explained that our brain is wired to seek more and more novelty to feel alive.

Wait.
If that’s how we’re wired, then what about what Buddha said? That the way out of suffering is to let go of desire. But if my brain needs newness to feel alive, how can I let go of wanting more?
If I try to fight my brain, isn’t that already a form of suffering—a desire to escape myself?

Then I had a realization:
Maybe it’s not possible to be happy all the time. Maybe we’re designed to move through cycles—joy, confusion, boredom, curiosity. We get excited when we discover something new, until we master it. Then comes the emptiness, the longing for the next thing.

It’s kind of like those men who cheat on their wives and say, “I found my true love. She makes me feel alive.” Really? Didn’t your wife make you feel that way when you took her on dates, when you saw her name pop up on your phone, when you were nervous about proposing to her? And now, just because you think you already know everything about her, you’re bored—and chasing a new heartbeat again?

So I realized: It is what it is.
Life has seasons—ups and downs, sunshine and rain. And like Buddha said, the only way to truly live is to live in the moment. Life will be joyful when it is. Miserable when it is. Confusing when it is. Trying to keep our mood high all the time is exhausting—just like trying to keep our brain focused every second is impossible. There will be moments of dullness, boredom, confusion, even depression. But if we accept them as part of life, we’ll eventually come out of them—renewed, refreshed, full of new energy and new ideas. And then a new adventure begins… until the dullness returns again. And that’s okay too.

So if you’re lying in bed, feeling anxious about the future, asking yourself: “What’s next?” — know that it’s part of life too. As I approach 36, I’ve gone through that cycle more times than I can count. But I’m still here. Still going. Still learning.

And that reassures me: as long as I keep going, keep trying new things without worrying if they’ll be “serious” or what people will say, I’ll be just fine.

And maybe… that’s the answer to my question: not how to be happy all the time, but how to keep dancing through all of life’s rhythms, without needing to always feel good to keep going.