Why Practicing Gratitude Can Give You Everything You’ve Ever Wanted

If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably heard countless experts say, “Write down what you’re grateful for every morning or evening.” But why? Just to feel good? If someone does something nice for me, I say thank you in the moment—why should I sit down at the end of the day and force myself to recall things to be grateful for? Honestly, it felt a little weird, and I rarely remembered to do it consistently.

Then, by accident, I came across Donald Hoffman, a cognitive scientist who suggests that we don’t see reality as it is—we see it as it’s useful to us. He gave the example of the Australian jewel beetle, which nearly went extinct because male beetles kept mistaking beer bottles for female beetles due to their glossy brown color. The bottles weren’t actually female beetles, but the beetles’ perception wasn’t about truth—it was about survival.

And suddenly, something clicked.

Maybe we, as humans, don’t perceive reality objectively either. Maybe we use mental hacks—shortcuts that help us navigate life. And perhaps gratitude is one of those powerful hacks—not just a feel-good exercise, but a tool to help us experience a more fulfilling life.

How Gratitude Actually Rewires Your Reality

The reason this works isn’t just some feel-good philosophy; it’s backed by neuroscience—specifically, the Reticular Activating System (RAS) in our brain.

The RAS acts as a filter, deciding what we pay attention to and what we ignore. It’s why, once you focus on something, you start noticing it everywhere.

Here’s a personal example: One day, I had a conversation with a French guy on Tinder. After that, suddenly, I kept meeting French people—at restaurants, in the supermarket, in my classes, even at red lights on the street. Had they all been there before, and I just hadn’t noticed them?

Or take my husband—when he decided to buy a Nissan, he suddenly started seeing Nissans everywhere. His father asked him, “Why did you pick that car?” He said, “Because I see them all over the streets.” But were they really more common, or had his RAS just tuned in to them?

This isn’t coincidence. Our brains don’t passively perceive reality; they actively shape it.

The Life-Changing Shift: Your Focus Creates Your Experience

When I realized this, it changed everything for me.

Hoffman suggests that the reality we experience is subjective, meaning I have the power to shape it. That I can choose to live a life of abundance, happiness, and ease—without exhausting myself to the point of burnout, like I did for 35 years.

I used to believe that happiness was something to achieve, something to chase. But what if it was always there, waiting for me to notice it?

That’s when I finally understood:

Saying “thank you” for what I have isn’t just a way to feel good in the moment. It’s a way to train my brain to notice more good things, which in turn brings more into my life.

How to Rewire Your Reality Using Gratitude

If your brain is constantly filtering reality based on what you focus on, then reshaping your experience of life is as simple as choosing what to focus on—intentionally.

Here’s how:

1. Set Clear Intentions

What do you want to notice more of in life?

• If you want to feel more joy, tell yourself: “I am looking for moments of happiness today.”
• If you want to attract opportunities, remind yourself: “I am open to new possibilities.”
  Your RAS will start highlighting moments that match what you’ve programmed it to find.

2. Use Positive Affirmations

Your beliefs influence what your RAS filters for you.

• If you repeat “I am capable and worthy”, your brain will scan for evidence to support that.
• If you think “I’m unlucky and nothing ever works out”, your brain will show you proof of that instead.
  Your thoughts create mental algorithms that your brain follows automatically.

3. Visualize What You Want

When you vividly picture yourself achieving something, your RAS primes your brain to recognize real-world opportunities to make it happen. Athletes and high achievers use this technique to train their minds before taking action.

4. Change Your Questions

The questions you ask shape your reality. Try shifting them:
❌ “Why is my life so hard?” → ✅ “How can I make today better?”
❌ “Why do bad things always happen to me?” → ✅ “What is one thing I’m grateful for?”
Your RAS will scan for answers that align with the questions you ask.

The Key Takeaway

Maybe happiness, success, and fulfillment aren’t things we have to chase. Maybe they’re already around us, waiting for us to notice them.

And just like training your body, you can train your mind to see a different reality—simply by shifting what you focus on.